For one reason or another, like too much soccer or summer camp, I have suffered three concussions. Each its own mini-death, waking up on some hard floor or hospital bed -- “Blair, can you hear me ?” ……***who’s blair ? ** --- every clank to my skull altering my personality in both subtle and drastic ways. I walk around now like an ancient mummy -- my brains blended up into pancake mix, pouring some unintelligible batter inside every passing moment.
But, I don’t need head trauma to make pancakes. As humans, we are constantly getting the lights knocked out of us, suffering forces beyond our control. And in these corona-moments of catatonic uncertainty ~ we are distilled into the fundamentals of this blackout.No wonder the darkest, painful stage of alchemical transformation is sacredly correlated to being beheaded ~ all our false stories, our ego appetites live in the head. Our heads don’t know the difference between a real or imagined state. Our head will abandon life, leave us confused ~ and so to strip ourselves of superfluities and arrive at an authentic center, we must not fear decapitation.
With our COVID faces covered, our heads securely fastened below the guillotine ~ why not accept our fate? Why not let our fake smiles rest and turn inwards without confusing it with some empty theater of ourselves?
Thankfully, with Sun and Mercury almost at the end of their journey in the regal sign, Leo - without our heads, we have a heart ~ in the paranoid darkness of Mars square Pluto and Saturn are the embers of our sovereignty.
As quarantine continues to offer almost no outer structure, no distinction of time and space, the opportunity to find that structure internally is an opportunity to be whole, to build a relationship with all stacked pancake layers of ourselves——
This is a time for individuation, about celebrating our fears, celebrating our shame and no longer betraying ourselves to fit into society. Only when we've established self-confidence wholeheartedly, can our heads be re-fastened, can our strength as individuals be a source of power for our community.
Dare to be yourself, dare to know the dark. With Mercury's recent lean into an exalted Leo Sun, followed by the whispers of a Leo new moon, we hear a private message, probably in the voice of Audre Lorde ... “I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.”